Jul 182019
 

Imagine that sweet feeling of anticipation before you’re headed out on vacation, or when you’re waiting in line for your favorite food. That tension of wanting the good stuff to hurry up and happen all the while daydreaming about how it is going to feel when it finally does. 

Now pair that feeling with orgasms. 

Do you start to see how it can hold *some* appeal?

Imagine that that sense of tension, that longing, is actually the best part for some people. In fact, scientists have discovered that anticipation can actually be better than the real thing.

WTF?

I can just hear some of you gasping now. WHY?! HOW? WHO actually feels that the anticipation of an orgasm is actually better than an orgasm?! Well, as it turns out, plenty of people feel that way!

For someone who’s not familiar with chastity or orgasm control play, it may seem like denial is the only approach. You may have visions of expensive cock cages as a necessity or requirement. But that’s just the beginning. 

Yes, you can focus entirely on denial. You can get a wall calendar or set up a digital calendar daily reminder so you can each see how many days of orgasms have been sacrificed. You can highlight the inability to orgasm, and the absolute control that the dominant holds over the submissive’s every intimate allowance (or lack thereof). 

But that’s exactly why I put chastity and orgasm control under the same umbrella. Chastity and denial are part of orgasm control play. It’s one dish on the buffet. One you might want to try giving a little taste.

One way you can explore denial is by starting with delay. Edging is a fun activity that can be a great addition to other kinky sessions. If orgasm is usually part of your kink adventures, then let yourself (or your partner) get right up to the edge of orgasm, and then stop. Then do it again, get yourself (or your partner) so close to cumming but then halt the pleasure right before it peaks. A few rounds of that will inspire some pretty enthusiastic begging, if you’re into that sort of thing (ahem, which I most definitely am).

I’m also a fan of scheduling a certain number of orgasms or certain timing of orgasms. Doling out three cums per week (or month if you’re feeling feisty) is a sexy way to ration pleasure in order to heighten that pleasure when it is allowed. This is another time when those digital calendar reminders can come in handy.

And remember, if you’re in a lifestyle relationship, just because one of you is in chastity or in denial, that doesn’t mean both of you have to miss out! There are lots of ways to keep one partner pleasured while the other enjoys enforced abstinence.

Whether you’re interested in orgasm management for short- or long-term time frames or whether you’re a lifestyle or professional player, I’ll share inspiring ways to play with this most intimate form of control.

Jul 082019
 

Yesterday I received this message in my Fetlife inbox.

“Is Ethical Financial Domination even possible?”

I’m always a bit surprised to hear this from fellow kinksters, though I shouldn’t be. Can’t that question be applied to everything we do? “Is ethical [your favorite kink here] even possible?  Someone who doesn’t understand how consent and context is critically relevant could very plausibly ask this about impact play or suspension bondage or dominance and submission of any kind.  But as experienced kinksters we understand these things – and yet people still ask this question about financial domination.  

Money and sexuality are two of the biggest taboos in society.  And so what do you get when you combine them in the context of a kink relationship?  An incredibly misunderstood way to play; a remarkably versatile tool of (consensual) power, submission, domination, sacrifice, humiliation… and more!

So in a community of self-proclaimed rebels and rule-breakers, why does the intersection of kink and finance draw such a squeamish response?  Money is a tool. It can be a tool of domination or a tool of submission. It can be a practical component of a relationship or part of a negotiated dynamic of many kinds. Money can be used to humiliate or empower, it can be a sacrifice or a tangible way of caring for someone. It can be any of these things. It can be all of these things.

Money itself is not inherently good or evil anymore than rope is.  If you consent to be bound to a cross and flogged, there is no actual harm done, because you have consented.  The fact of the rope means nothing – it is a tool of power exchange. So now if you consent to be bound to a financial obligation, just like the rope, the money is a tool of power exchange, and again you have consented.  Nevertheless because it’s money creating the bondage, people give this power exchange a moral weight.  For many kinksters, sadistic rope or a hard-core spanking can make perfect sense, but offering up one’s wallet feels like a space too far.

A few years ago I taught a financial domination class at Dark Odyssey Summer Camp. Only three women showed up, which wasn’t surprising because it’s a lifestyle event and most kinksters think of financial play as sleazy and beneath them. We ended up having a really incredible conversation about the diverse ways of using money in their D/s relationships. The first woman had been thinking about becoming a professional dominatrix for a few years and wanted to let go of the misinformation and stereotypes she’d heard and learn how to start incorporating money while still feeling good about it.   Another woman had her male dominant “force” her to let him pay her bills. The third used financial domination to reinforce her submissives devotion by having them fund improvements to her home. Important though: the money here was part of the power exchange. In this case, it was not payment for kinky service; it was kinky service.  

Of course, it doesn’t help that #findom has become an online world populated with visibly unethical folks who push people into bankruptcy, demand the emptying of college and savings accounts, disrespect to spouses, “forced intoxication” and who threaten peoples’ livelihoods in the name of tribute.    This is not power exchange; it is power abuse. If a financial dom is demanding a sacrifice more than what was originally consented to entirely for their own gain, that slides into unethical behavior. And those unethical assholes are spoiling a great opportunity for the rest of us.  

Though to clarify, as a Risk Aware Consensual Kink player,  I don’t think that “forced” intoxication is an impossible fantasy to fulfill. But there’s no way in hell that the majority of folks pushing this play online have had a nuanced conversation about consent without exploitation with the people they’re playing with. It’s ok if your fantasy is to be exploited, but that should still be an active conversation.

Like my work with erotic humiliation and consensual psychological torment, I’d like to open up more kinksters to the thrill of using money to satisfy a variety of sexy uses.  Playing with social taboos and psychological triggers touches all my kinky buttons. The ways that ProDomme’s use money in their client relationships might seem more obvious to some, but it’s possible to explore in a lifestyle relationship too.  Not all financial domination is about blackmail or the “threat” of imminent bankruptcy – in fact far from it. It can be used short term (bring me a perfect coffee every morning or buy me a toy for the session we’re going to have) or it can be long-term (fund my start-up or invest in my 401k).  But however it’s used, if it can be used to induce (consensual) discomfort in my play partner, then sign me up!

I like to think of financial domination as having three broad categories that still leave a range of options depending on your interests, limits and the nature of your relationship. These elements (along with a couple of other influences) all come together to create a sweet spot of eroticisim you might be currently missing out on.

I’ll be talking about all of that and more in my upcoming webinar on July 13th. We’ll discuss the differences in dynamic and how to maximize the enjoyment regardless of whether you’re a lifestyle or professional kinkster (or both)! From the reasonable to the risky there’s probably a way to incorporate financial domination into your play that fits your style and desires.

Register here today and you’ll receive access to the live class Saturday July 13th, a downloadable recording of the class so you can watch it anytime (including if you can’t make it to the live class), plus you’ll receive a digital workbook that you can print out to take the class deeper with space for your reflective thoughts and notes to help you remember key points to come back to you whenever you need.

 

Did you miss the live “Ethical Financial Domination” class?

For a limited time you can purchase the workbook + access to the recording. 

 

Jan 052019
 

This page will be edited as I add new appearances, each link will take you to a registration page or somewhere with more information about the event. If you’d like me to teach for your organization or event please email me directly kali @ enoughtomakeyoublush.com

 

November

Dark Odyssey Surrender – November 29th through December 1st – San Jose, CA

Jan 032019
 

 

Join Kali for the Enough To Make You Blush: Online Class and explore your desire for taboo psychological play.

Kali is bringing her 5-star humiliation class to an online audience – including you!

Humiliation is a complex and varied fetish that offers many lifestyle players lots of options for embarrassing, degrading, or humiliating play. Humiliation isn’t just about smeared mascara and groveling under boots, it’s also about exploring vulnerability, trust, control, and sacrifice through absurdity, amusement, and consensual cruelty.

In this webinar recording you’ll learn:

  • What is erotic humiliation & what are the different levels of intensity?
  • How can you tell the difference between healthy play & abuse?
  • Can an action be humiliating if someone asks for it?
  • Why a desire for humiliation play doesn’t always “make sense”
  • Stereotypes and myths that might be hindering your play
  • How to bring up your desire for erotic humiliation play
  • The 10 Most Important Negotiation Questions (+ 6 bonus humiliation questions)
  • How to create shortcuts for headspace & communication
  • The huge range of erotically humiliating activities you can choose from!

This class is good for anyone with an interest in psychological kink, anywhere on the spectrum of experience or power –

  • Do you know you’re interested but haven’t figured it out beyond that?
  • Have you played with embarrassment or humiliation but want to improve your play?
  • Are you a ‘hardcore’ player ready to play deeper and/or wider?

Now you can watch this recording of Kali’s popular live webinar whenever you want! Purchase also includes a 24-page digital workbook download to guide you through the class and help you reach a new, deeper understanding of your own desires.


Buy my product

 

Chastity Training and Orgasm Control can add whole new (and surprising!) dimension to your power exchange or sexual relationships. Chastity often strikes terror as well as exhilaration in the heart of the one being locked. As a keyholder, you can play with a mix of tease and denial, power and control, and some physical suffering thrown in for good measure! Orgasm Control can be used for short periods (hours and days) or long periods (weeks, months, and years.)
Whether you are using chastity to offer a demonstration of your submission, to prevent a bottom from getting off while they get you off, or to heighten sexual senses to bring both partners deeper into a more powerful D/s exchange. Making Chastity Training work for you is more possible than you think!

During this webinar Kali will share:

The #1 thing you need to remember for chastity play
Different types of chastity & orgasm control
Why people enjoy this kind of play
Different time frames – hours, days, weeks, months, years
Realistic ways to explore/introduce chastity in your relationship
Types of devices & pros & cons of each
Importance of hygiene & tips for healthy chastity
Ways to play with chastity short-term & long-term
Chastity games & practical training
and more!

Now you can watch this recording of Kali’s popular live webinar whenever you want! Purchase also includes a 23-page digital workbook download to guide you through the class and help you reach a new, deeper understanding of your own desires.


Buy my product

 

Whether you’re a dominant, submissive, or switch….

The term “service” often conjures images of household drudgery. But there are many ways someone can be “of service” beyond household tasks, including fetish service, sexual service, and so much more.

For some kinksters, there’s nothing like scrubbing away at the floor or toilet while a stern dominant looks on in silent judgment, or ignores them from the next room. But if you think unwashed dishes and dirty laundry are the only options, this class will expand your service horizons no matter which side of the dynamic you’re on.

Many tops and dominants dream about having a well-behaved service submissive to call their very own. But finding one pre-trained can be rough and training away bad behaviors can be even rougher! Thankfully, there is a solution to make the process smoother for both sides.

Join Princess Kali as she shares tips and techniques for anyone in a service based relationship (or anyone who wants to be!)

During this Kali will share –

  • Common stereotypes – including; what service “looks like” (hint: it doesn’t just look submissive!)
  • Different types of service – domestic, sexual, masochistic, & more
  • Negotiating and Communicating both partners’ goals, needs, & limits within the service relationship
  • How to assess & present your service skills as a submissive
  • The dominant’s responsibilities of having a service submissive
  • Practical techniques for behavior training
  • The power of The Command
  • Ways for submissives to improve skills & service
  • And more!

Now you can watch this recording of Kali’s popular live webinar whenever you want! Purchase also includes a 22-page digital workbook download to guide you through the class and help you reach a new, deeper understanding of your own desires.


Buy my product

 

Sep 092018
 

It’s almost time to celebrate the 3rd annual National Erotic Humiliation Day, and I hope you’ll join me in all the kinky fun!

It’s time to get ready to celebrate your favorite pervy holiday of the year, a time when we can let all of the deliciously dirty desires out in full form, and share them with the world to honor a deeply mis-understood fetish, for psychological torment and teasing.

The term “erotic humiliation” covers a really broad spectrum of interests of levels of play (you can learn more about it in my book, Enough to Make You Blush: Exploring Erotic Humiliation) and even in the kinky world, people often mistake it for “being mean” which isn’t the case at all. Consensual humiliation play can take many forms and doesn’t always have to be of the hardcore degradation variety (though that’s fun for those who enjoy it!) and this holiday is meant to inspire and connect those who want to explore this type of kink adventure.

Make sure you use the hashtag #HumiliationDay on Twitter & Instagram – where I’ll be sharing tips & photos all day plus signal boosting your posts – follow me @ThePrincessKali (on twitter) and @ThePrincessKali (on instagram) to see all the kinky, humiliating goodness! If you post on Fetlife, friend me here and send me a link (or post it in the comment section below!)

Ways YOU can celebrate:

  • Post your own photos on twitter, instagram, Fetlife and tumbler (see below for suggestions)
  • Confess your humiliation themed fantasies & share your experiences – dominants AND submissives, I’m looking at you!
  • Host a humiliation themed play party! Do you have a local dungeon or group of kinky friends from your favorite munch? Invite them over to play Humiliation Truth or Dare (or the recently released Sissy Edition Truth or Dare) and enjoy some mutual exhibitionism & voyeurism as you watch each others scenes.
  • Do you have a blog? Write a post about a humiliation themed topic (see below for suggestions!) and let me know so I can share in a blog round-up post here on my site (post in the comments too).
  • Buy my book ‘Enough To Make You Blush’ this week to read & get ideas (yes, this is a shameless plug!) You can get it on Kindle for immediate download, or order it from me for an autographed copy. The book also makes a great gift!

Humiliation Themes for photos, confessions and blog posts:

  •      Verbal Humiliation and Degradation
  •      Foot Fetish
  •      Objectification
  •      Being Turned into Furniture
  •      Dehumanization
  •      Sex & Masturbation
  •      Chastity & Orgasm Control
  •      Messy Food Play
  •      Sissification
  •      Nudity
  •      Bodily Functions
  •      Domestic Service & Cleaning
  •      Punishment & Protocol
  •      Playing in Public
  •      Financial Domination

Interested in humiliation play? Check out the Enough To Make You Blush store where you’ll find the items mentioned above & other kinky goodies too!

May 112018
 

I remember the very first DomCon at the Beverly Garland hotel nestled in Hollywood. I don’t remember how I first heard about DomCon but I do remember how excited I was there. I was 23 years old and had only recently discovered the BDSM world and in my usual way through myself into it and jumped in with both feet. DomCon seemed like it was going to be a paradise of dominant women and that’s exactly what I found.

The first year the hotel had booked us in with both a high school marching band and a church choir. So it was an interesting mix, to say the least!

I remember being at the meet and greet with leather and latex clad dominants all kinds and styles and hearing the church choir singing hymns in the conference room across the way. I remember the freedom of walking around the hotel grounds with a submissive on my leash and the exhilaration of meeting other powerful women who were like me and yet so unlike me.

The camaraderie of dominant women FemDomme, ProDomme women especially has grown over these years that I have had the pleasure of being involved in this community and industry. DomCon is a HUGE part of that.

What Mistress Cyan created was and is the only space for professionally dominant women. And as the event has grown professional dominants of all stripes and lifestyle dominants too have joined the conference. It’s a place where professionals can go and be proud to advertise their service s  and interests because lifestyle conferences are so often unwelcome even though many many many pros are lifestyle in their private lives as well.

Over the years I’m proud to have been involved in DomCon in many ways; as a presenter, as an attendee, as a vendor, and as a board member for a short time. 

Every year that I’m able to make it I feel that same sense of exhilaration, in fact maybe more. Because every year I return I have the opportunity to reconnect with women that I’ve met and built friendships with. I have the opportunity to learn and connect with and from and with other dominants and new dominant in the industry. I feel at home at DomCon in a place where big personalities and quiet power each command their own type of respect.

We are a world of intense, intelligent, creative, and brilliant women and I’m proud to have been a ProDomme and to still have a place in this world even though I’m long retired. In my heart, mind, and actions I will be a dominant woman my entire life.

Since retiring six years ago I have found it very hard to walk away from the ProDomme community. Not that I ever really wanted to. I will be forever grateful for the level of interestingness and curiosity and utterly unique experiences I have had because of this career path. There is a special part of that that is directly because of the women that I know and adore.

Even if we don’t get to see each other very often, even if we fall out of touch DomCon is that reconnection place, it as a place to come and spend time with with people that you care about people that are like you and people that share your interests as well as people that are utterly and completely from a different perspective and path. Through DomCon, Cyan gives us space for this utter collision of brilliance and creativity and perversion!

Now, with attacks on sexual freedom and against sex workers specifically I am redrawn to this world. The last few years I have been slowly working on spreading my Bitch Stigma message as well as taking my speaking skills into more mainstream space without betraying my history.

While I continue to work towards those goals, this is a time when solidarity is key.

So I am thrilled to be going back to DomCon this year to be standing in solidarity with my with my former colleagues who are still fighting this fight as active sex workers and I am absolutely thrilled to lend support and strength and applause to not only Mistress Cyan but also the entire DomCon Board who continues to produce this vital event year after year.

Feb 262018
 

Oh yes, I so LOVE talking about psychological torment so podcasts are one of my favorite things! I’ve been talking to some more super smart sex geeks and here are the results – 3 new podcast interviews (all recorded at the end of 2017) talking about all my favorite kinky topics.

Take a listen!

_______________________________

Off the Cuffs is a ” kink and BDSM podcast, for those in the lifestyle and those who are curious” with the two hosts, Dick and max who talk about their own kink journeys.

Click here to listen

 

 

 

_______________________________

 

 Bex and Kate are two of my favorite podcasting kinksters who bring a lot of transparency and joy to their kink & sex adventures.

 

 

Click here to listen in

 

 

 

_______________________________

Sunny Megatron and Ken Melvoin-Berg are the hosts of the American Sex Podcast (you might recognize them from the Showtime show “Sex With Sunny Megatron) that a fun, down-to-earth vibe to their sex and kink educational pursuits.

Click here to listen

Jan 302018
 

As a follow up to the original Humiliation Truth or Dare game, I’m delighted to announce the very first ‘expansion deck’ – the Sissy Edition!

This frilly, flouncy game will bring spontaneous fun to your sissy play. You can use it in a private one-on-one session or with a group at a sissy party!

The deck will include:

    • 13 Dominant Truths
    • 13 Dominant Dares
    • 13 Sissy Truths
    • 13 Sissy Dares
    • 2 Instruction Cards

The cards are printed on durable white card stock and are the size of an average poker card deck.

The game can be played with 2 to 40 people & can make a fun party game, or as playful inspiration for a private session.

On sale for a limited time $16 + shipping

(usually $20)

 

*NO International Shipping, only in Continental US

*Shipping takes 5-12 days




Jan 252018
 

Have you attended one of my in-person or online classes? I’d love to hear your feedback! I’m always working to improve my content and delivery and appreciate you taking a few moments out of your day to help me do that.

Create your own user feedback survey

Oct 152017
 

The Full Enough To Make You Blush Package includes:

  • Autographed Paperback book
  • Verbal Humiliation deck
  • Truth/Dare deck
  • Workbook
  • 1 month membership to KinkAcademy.com
  • Bonus! Service Bell (while supplies last!)

Enough To Make You Blush: Exploring Erotic Humiliation

Erotic humiliation goes far beyond the “Lick my boots!” stereotype. Princess Kali, a famous former Dominatrix and world-renowned Humiliatrix, throws open the dungeon doors to explore the complex desires that fuel this kind of psychological play for both dominants and submissives. Using both personal experience and extensive interviews she shares advice and detailed ideas for a broad range of embarrassing, humiliating, and degrading ways to enjoy consensual kinky fun. Also covered are important concepts such as communication, negotiation, consent, triggers, aftercare, and so much

Enough to Make You Blush: Workbook

Spiral bound and printed on thick, silky paper with a full color cover this workbook includes…

  • More than 100 Stimulating Questions
  • Erotic Humiliation Activity List – 5 pages
  • Negotiation Worksheet
  • Titles & Names Suggestions
  • Verbal Humiliation Vocabulary Suggestions
  • Space to write out fantasies, erotica & plans for future scenes
  • plus more!

Order the full package & receive both decks in a plastic double box!

Verbal Humiliation Scene Starters Deck

Over 200 phrases in more than 20 categories, giving you a huge (and fun) resource to inspire your verbal humiliation play. It’s a Pocket Pervert Thesaurus!

The poker-deck sized cards are bright, white, and glossy.

Humiliation Truth or Dare Game

  • 13 Dominant Truths
  • 13 Dominant Dares
  • 13 Submissive Truths
  • 13 Submissive Dares
  • 1 Wordbank Card
  • 3 Instruction Card

The cards are printed on durable white card stock the size of a standard deck of poker cards.

The game can be played with 2 to 40 people & can make a fun party game, or as playful inspiration for a private scene.

1-Month Membership to KinkAcademy.com

Kink Academy is a comprehensive library of sex-ed videos for adventurous, consenting adults. Whether you’re new to kink or an experienced player, there’s something for everyone to learn on Kink Academy. With over 2,000 sex-ed videos and over 160 sexuality educators, the Kink Academy Team works with sex educators from around the world to present the most diverse and experienced voices possible for your ongoing sexual education. The Web’s leading resource for adult sexuality education in BDSM, polyamory, fetish, kink, swinging, and other sexual expressions that are commonly overlooked even in sex-positive educational materials.

Order it today for only $80 + shipping!

Save




*shipping takes 5-12 business days
*NO International Shipping, only in Continental US