The Power of Words


Words can be a powerful tool in kinky scenes, but are often underused. It’s easy to find places to learn about flogging or spanking or bondage, but not so easy to find ways to learn about incorporating verbal into scenes.

When I play, I’m incredible verbal. I’ve found words to be the most versatile way to get into my play-partners head.

During my classes the obstacles that are often cited are along these lines

  • “I don’t know what to say.”
  • “It feels stupid, like I’m in a bad porno.”
  • “The words I use get repetitive. There’s only so many times I can call someone a slut.”

These are all understandable concerns, but there is a solution to all of them!

Like with all kinky activities, practice will help you get comfortable. The words we use in erotic humiliation play are rarely words that we’ve been *taught* how to use. In fact most of them are words we’ve been told NOT to use for most of our lives! So just getting used to saying them out loud, and saying them with enthusiasm (or disdain, or affection, or any number of other tone choices) only comes with repetition. So let’s take these concerns one by one –

“I don’t know what to say.” – A suggestion I often give, is that if you’re struggling to know what to say, start with describing what you’re doing and how you feel about it. Think of yourself like a kinky sports commentator.

For example – “I’m going to start playing with your nipples now. I like to use my fingers to make them hard & tease those slut-buttons into standing up tall for me. I’m going to tease those nipples until I see you breathing heavy…”

“It feels stupid, like I’m in a bad porno.” – Remember, you’re not trying to win an Academy Award! Sexual role-play and verbal humiliation is meant to be fun & playful, so don’t take yourself too seriously.

I’ve found it feels much less “stupid” to just commit to the scene and go for it! Let the words flow and don’t worry about whether you’re doing it “right.”

“The words I use get repetitive.” – You don’t have to be a walking perverted-thesaurus! Using the same words can actually be a psychological short-cut to kinky headspace. Of course it’s fun to get creative and come up with fresh, new things to call our submissive (or be called by our dominants), but don’t underestimate the power of repetition.

There are lots of ways to expand your verbal humiliation repertoire (including my popular Creative Humiliation Scene Starters™ deck!) but if you and your partner have favorites, you don’t have to feel like you’re missing out. Use the words that get your arousal-engine revving and find ways to incorporate other verbal options when you’re feeling inspired.

In my big survey last year, a few things were pretty clear, and can help you if you keep them in mind.

  • Body Image and Intelligence are the least popular things to incorporate into verbal humiliation.
  • Like all erotic humiliation, words are extremely personal. Find out what works for each partner.
  • “Worthless” is another concept not often appreciated. Erotic slut-shaming is much more popular.

I did a special survey to find out which words people like to use most, here’s the results (252 People responded)

survey results