Sep 092018
 

It’s almost time to celebrate the 3rd annual National Erotic Humiliation Day, and I hope you’ll join me in all the kinky fun!

It’s time to get ready to celebrate your favorite pervy holiday of the year, a time when we can let all of the deliciously dirty desires out in full form, and share them with the world to honor a deeply mis-understood fetish, for psychological torment and teasing.

The term “erotic humiliation” covers a really broad spectrum of interests of levels of play (you can learn more about it in my book, Enough to Make You Blush: Exploring Erotic Humiliation) and even in the kinky world, people often mistake it for “being mean” which isn’t the case at all. Consensual humiliation play can take many forms and doesn’t always have to be of the hardcore degradation variety (though that’s fun for those who enjoy it!) and this holiday is meant to inspire and connect those who want to explore this type of kink adventure.

Make sure you use the hashtag #HumiliationDay on Twitter & Instagram – where I’ll be sharing tips & photos all day plus signal boosting your posts – follow me @ThePrincessKali (on twitter) and @ThePrincessKali (on instagram) to see all the kinky, humiliating goodness! If you post on Fetlife, friend me here and send me a link (or post it in the comment section below!)

Ways YOU can celebrate:

  • Post your own photos on twitter, instagram, Fetlife and tumbler (see below for suggestions)
  • Confess your humiliation themed fantasies & share your experiences – dominants AND submissives, I’m looking at you!
  • Host a humiliation themed play party! Do you have a local dungeon or group of kinky friends from your favorite munch? Invite them over to play Humiliation Truth or Dare (or the recently released Sissy Edition Truth or Dare) and enjoy some mutual exhibitionism & voyeurism as you watch each others scenes.
  • Do you have a blog? Write a post about a humiliation themed topic (see below for suggestions!) and let me know so I can share in a blog round-up post here on my site (post in the comments too).
  • Buy my book ‘Enough To Make You Blush’ this week to read & get ideas (yes, this is a shameless plug!) You can get it on Kindle for immediate download, or order it from me for an autographed copy. The book also makes a great gift!

Humiliation Themes for photos, confessions and blog posts:

  •      Verbal Humiliation and Degradation
  •      Foot Fetish
  •      Objectification
  •      Being Turned into Furniture
  •      Dehumanization
  •      Sex & Masturbation
  •      Chastity & Orgasm Control
  •      Messy Food Play
  •      Sissification
  •      Nudity
  •      Bodily Functions
  •      Domestic Service & Cleaning
  •      Punishment & Protocol
  •      Playing in Public
  •      Financial Domination

Interested in humiliation play? Check out the Enough To Make You Blush store where you’ll find the items mentioned above & other kinky goodies too!

May 112018
 

I remember the very first DomCon at the Beverly Garland hotel nestled in Hollywood. I don’t remember how I first heard about DomCon but I do remember how excited I was there. I was 23 years old and had only recently discovered the BDSM world and in my usual way through myself into it and jumped in with both feet. DomCon seemed like it was going to be a paradise of dominant women and that’s exactly what I found.

The first year the hotel had booked us in with both a high school marching band and a church choir. So it was an interesting mix, to say the least!

I remember being at the meet and greet with leather and latex clad dominants all kinds and styles and hearing the church choir singing hymns in the conference room across the way. I remember the freedom of walking around the hotel grounds with a submissive on my leash and the exhilaration of meeting other powerful women who were like me and yet so unlike me.

The camaraderie of dominant women FemDomme, ProDomme women especially has grown over these years that I have had the pleasure of being involved in this community and industry. DomCon is a HUGE part of that.

What Mistress Cyan created was and is the only space for professionally dominant women. And as the event has grown professional dominants of all stripes and lifestyle dominants too have joined the conference. It’s a place where professionals can go and be proud to advertise their service s  and interests because lifestyle conferences are so often unwelcome even though many many many pros are lifestyle in their private lives as well.

Over the years I’m proud to have been involved in DomCon in many ways; as a presenter, as an attendee, as a vendor, and as a board member for a short time. 

Every year that I’m able to make it I feel that same sense of exhilaration, in fact maybe more. Because every year I return I have the opportunity to reconnect with women that I’ve met and built friendships with. I have the opportunity to learn and connect with and from and with other dominants and new dominant in the industry. I feel at home at DomCon in a place where big personalities and quiet power each command their own type of respect.

We are a world of intense, intelligent, creative, and brilliant women and I’m proud to have been a ProDomme and to still have a place in this world even though I’m long retired. In my heart, mind, and actions I will be a dominant woman my entire life.

Since retiring six years ago I have found it very hard to walk away from the ProDomme community. Not that I ever really wanted to. I will be forever grateful for the level of interestingness and curiosity and utterly unique experiences I have had because of this career path. There is a special part of that that is directly because of the women that I know and adore.

Even if we don’t get to see each other very often, even if we fall out of touch DomCon is that reconnection place, it as a place to come and spend time with with people that you care about people that are like you and people that share your interests as well as people that are utterly and completely from a different perspective and path. Through DomCon, Cyan gives us space for this utter collision of brilliance and creativity and perversion!

Now, with attacks on sexual freedom and against sex workers specifically I am redrawn to this world. The last few years I have been slowly working on spreading my Bitch Stigma message as well as taking my speaking skills into more mainstream space without betraying my history.

While I continue to work towards those goals, this is a time when solidarity is key.

So I am thrilled to be going back to DomCon this year to be standing in solidarity with my with my former colleagues who are still fighting this fight as active sex workers and I am absolutely thrilled to lend support and strength and applause to not only Mistress Cyan but also the entire DomCon Board who continues to produce this vital event year after year.

Apr 252018
 

This page will be edited as I add new appearances, each link will take you to a registration page or somewhere with more information about the event. If you’d like me to teach for your organization or event please email me directly kali @ enoughtomakeyoublush.com

July

C.O.P.E. By Adventures in Sexuality – July 27th & 28th in Central Ohio – Classes TBD

August/September

Dark Odyssey Summer Camp – August 28th through September 3rd in Baltimore, MD area – Classes TBD

November

Dark Odyssey Surrender – November 9th through 11th in San Francisco, CA – Authentic Kink

Feb 262018
 

Oh yes, I so LOVE talking about psychological torment so podcasts are one of my favorite things! I’ve been talking to some more super smart sex geeks and here are the results – 3 new podcast interviews (all recorded at the end of 2017) talking about all my favorite kinky topics.

Take a listen!

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Off the Cuffs is a ” kink and BDSM podcast, for those in the lifestyle and those who are curious” with the two hosts, Dick and max who talk about their own kink journeys.

Click here to listen

 

 

 

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 Bex and Kate are two of my favorite podcasting kinksters who bring a lot of transparency and joy to their kink & sex adventures.

 

 

Click here to listen in

 

 

 

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Sunny Megatron and Ken Melvoin-Berg are the hosts of the American Sex Podcast (you might recognize them from the Showtime show “Sex With Sunny Megatron) that a fun, down-to-earth vibe to their sex and kink educational pursuits.

Click here to listen

Jan 312018
 

I recently received this email and thought it would make a great blog post to share my thoughts with everyone!

Dear Princess Kali,

I have read a lot about you and have seen many of your videos and I really appreciate what you bring to the kink community. Even though I have never heard you discuss cuckolding or polyamory, I thought you would be the best person to bring this dilemma to.

Over the past few years I have successfully trained my husband to be my service submissive. We have incorporated Domination/submission into almost all aspects of our lives. Over the past 3 months or so, [my husband] and I have been exploring cuckolding (I assume you know what that is), which has brought more long term chastity for [my husband] and more men for me.

After dating and exploring what is out there, I have found one lover who I would like to stick with. [My lover] like me, is very Dominant. I think it would fun (and hot!) to encourage him to establish his Dominance over [my husband]. I think it would bring about a new level of humiliation. I always like to find new ways to push [my husbands] boundaries. I realize that this will probably require allowing [my lover] to disciple [my husband]. What I want to ask is, how do you recommend I start? I realize it might be a bit difficult to bring in a second Dominant.

Thanks in advance!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My response….

Bringing a third partner into any established relationship is bound to have some bumps in the path. As long as both partners are genuinely interested then it can add whole new experiences to your sex life. Cuckolding is pretty popular, although it’s not always talked about. I don’t do cuckolding play personally, but have helped couples enjoy it in their relationship.

First even though there is an obvious power exchange in your committed relationship, I believe that a non-power based conversation needs to take place before moving forward. The biggest fun-stopper in a cuckolding dynamic is for the cuckold to feel genuinely anxious or afraid of losing their cuckoldress (aka their female partner).

Insecurity does NOT support a healthy sex life, no matter how many people are involved.

So taking the power structure out of play for at least a single conversation allows for you both to express your desires & fears in a non-sex focused way. It’s also REALLY helpful to have at least a couple more of those conversations after the new experiences have started. You can keep the power dynamic with the conversation if you’re more comfortable doing so, but there needs to be space for your husband to openly express any fears or concerns, and then you can figure out what to do about it.

Once that’s done and everyone is officially on board, it’s time to get to the sexy stuff! I don’t know how involved your husband is with your lover in terms of face to face time, but if that hasn’t happened yet start with verbal descriptions and dirty talk. Tell your husband every sexy thing you plan on doing to him and all the sexy (and humiliating) things your lover is going to do to him. Sharing fantasies is a way many couples introduce even the idea of cuckolding into their relationship, even if they don’t use that particular word. Remember that what is an incredible turn on in fantasy can be problematic when brought to life, sometimes surprisingly so.

Since you’ve already been exploring cuckolding and chastity in the last few months, I’ll guess that you’ve done a lot of the dirty talk and fantasy exploration already. So now it’s about introducing your husband to submitting to your lover.

I’m a big believer in starting slow, it’s easy to build up the intensity but it’s hard to come back from a boundary that wasn’t really ready to be pushed.

You can start by having your husband kiss your lovers shoes when your lover comes to pick you up for a date. It’s also fun to give your lover a more dominant title that your husband must use to address him. Something as simple as “Sir” is always nice, or you can get creative with something along the lines of “Mr. Well-Endowed” or “Real Man” or a title that’s relevant and specific to your own relationship and fantasies. A bit of groveling & respectful appreciation that your lover is satisfying you when your husband can’t is also a soft intro to a D/s dynamic for them.

Physical touch is something that should also be introduced once the small acts of submission have become more comfortable. Perhaps when your husband is kissing your lovers shoes/feet, after he’s done your lover can rest his foot on the back of your husbands head. Not to crush it down, but so your husband can feel its weight and start to feel the excitement of being “under” your lover.

Adding the humiliation bit can take a variety of forms. You can have your husband get locked in his chastity cage in front of your lover, sort of like a ritual that constantly re-establishes his submission to your pleasure and as an extension of your pleasure, your lover. Your lover can call your husband while you’re out on a date or enjoying some hot sex and give your husband instructions about what to do for you once you get home.

Having your husband help you prepare for you date is of course a classic, and you might already be doing that. If you aren’t, start!

Get your husband into that chastity cage and then have him watch you try on sexy lingerie and outfits that you’ll be wearing for your lover, or your husband can be the ‘fluffer’ and give you a couple of orgasms orally before you head out, all the while with you telling him how your “stud” is going to really satisfy you. It can also be fun to call your husband while you’re having sex with your lover and just leave the phone on next to wherever you’re fucking, so your husband can hear all the sounds. This can also be a good time to do verbal with all three of you, having your lover, while fucking you, dirty talk (so your husband can hear it over the phone) about what a ‘pansy’ or ‘loser’ (or whatever words you use in your cuckolding experience) your husband is and how he’s fucking you like you deserve to get fucked.

I don’t recommend allowing your lover to just jump into doing whatever he wants to your husband.

You are the dominant in your relationship with your husband and you do have a responsibility to keep him ultimately safe. Make sure your lover knows any hard boundaries both with physical actions and verbal play.

Take it in steps, depending on what your ultimate goals are. Fantasy & verbal exploration. ‘Small’ acts of submission by your husband to your lover. Introducing dominant touch by your lover to your husband. Letting your husbands submission to your lover grow authentically, like I’m sure it did with you, sets you all up for a more positive experience.

This article was originally posted on CoachingByKali.com

Jan 302018
 

As a follow up to the original Humiliation Truth or Dare game, I’m delighted to announce the very first ‘expansion deck’ – the Sissy Edition!

This frilly, flouncy game will bring spontaneous fun to your sissy play. You can use it in a private one-on-one session or with a group at a sissy party!

The deck will include:

    • 13 Dominant Truths
    • 13 Dominant Dares
    • 13 Sissy Truths
    • 13 Sissy Dares
    • 2 Instruction Cards

The cards are printed on durable white card stock and are the size of an average poker card deck.

The game can be played with 2 to 40 people & can make a fun party game, or as playful inspiration for a private session.

$19.95 + shipping

 

*NO International Shipping, only in Continental US

*Shipping takes 5-12 days



 

When you purchase both the original Truth or Dare deck with the Sissy Edition you’ll receive a plastic double-deck travel case!

$40.00 + Shipping

*shipping takes 5-12 business days
*NO International Shipping, only in Continental US




Jan 252018
 

Have you attended one of my in-person or online classes? I’d love to hear your feedback! I’m always working to improve my content and delivery and appreciate you taking a few moments out of your day to help me do that.

Create your own user feedback survey

Oct 152017
 

The Full Enough To Make You Blush Package includes:

  • Autographed Paperback book
  • Verbal Humiliation deck
  • Truth/Dare deck
  • Workbook
  • 1 month membership to KinkAcademy.com
  • Bonus! Service Bell (while supplies last!)

Enough To Make You Blush: Exploring Erotic Humiliation

Erotic humiliation goes far beyond the “Lick my boots!” stereotype. Princess Kali, a famous former Dominatrix and world-renowned Humiliatrix, throws open the dungeon doors to explore the complex desires that fuel this kind of psychological play for both dominants and submissives. Using both personal experience and extensive interviews she shares advice and detailed ideas for a broad range of embarrassing, humiliating, and degrading ways to enjoy consensual kinky fun. Also covered are important concepts such as communication, negotiation, consent, triggers, aftercare, and so much

Enough to Make You Blush: Workbook

Spiral bound and printed on thick, silky paper with a full color cover this workbook includes…

  • More than 100 Stimulating Questions
  • Erotic Humiliation Activity List – 5 pages
  • Negotiation Worksheet
  • Titles & Names Suggestions
  • Verbal Humiliation Vocabulary Suggestions
  • Space to write out fantasies, erotica & plans for future scenes
  • plus more!

Order the full package & receive both decks in a plastic double box!

Verbal Humiliation Scene Starters Deck

Over 200 phrases in more than 20 categories, giving you a huge (and fun) resource to inspire your verbal humiliation play. It’s a Pocket Pervert Thesaurus!

The poker-deck sized cards are bright, white, and glossy.

Humiliation Truth or Dare Game

  • 13 Dominant Truths
  • 13 Dominant Dares
  • 13 Submissive Truths
  • 13 Submissive Dares
  • 1 Wordbank Card
  • 3 Instruction Card

The cards are printed on durable white card stock the size of a standard deck of poker cards.

The game can be played with 2 to 40 people & can make a fun party game, or as playful inspiration for a private scene.

1-Month Membership to KinkAcademy.com

Kink Academy is a comprehensive library of sex-ed videos for adventurous, consenting adults. Whether you’re new to kink or an experienced player, there’s something for everyone to learn on Kink Academy. With over 2,000 sex-ed videos and over 160 sexuality educators, the Kink Academy Team works with sex educators from around the world to present the most diverse and experienced voices possible for your ongoing sexual education. The Web’s leading resource for adult sexuality education in BDSM, polyamory, fetish, kink, swinging, and other sexual expressions that are commonly overlooked even in sex-positive educational materials.

Order it today for only $80 + shipping!

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*shipping takes 5-12 business days
*NO International Shipping, only in Continental US

Feb 112017
 

One of the reasons I love twitter is the ability to have conversation with people around the world and get inspired by what others are experiencing and talking about.

So when Domina Dynasty posed this question on twitter, I was intrigued…

Can you teach someone to be submissive?

It’s a really interesting question and like so many aspects of kink, prompts more questions before an answer can be found.

First it got me thinking about the huge variety in submissives who have served me over the years. This is yet another example when language matters and individual definitions matter the most. The way that I define submission very likely could be different than the way that you define submission.

Yes, I know that I talk about this all the time but it’s that important.

This all boils down to one of my core concepts and it’s this –

Focus on intention, not activity.

Submission is an emotional state. Submission can look very different from person to person.

  • Crawling & groveling
  • Quietly respectful
  • Bratty & defiant
  • Obedient & obsequious

And to really blow your mind, sometimes submission looks like dominance but I’ll get to that more thoroughly in a future post.

However obedience is one of the most obvious expressions of submission, so we’ll start with that.

As a dominant, you can teach obedience. You can teach someone to submit to your commands, and you can teach someone how to do different tasks and actions. You can use punishments, rewards and bribes to encourage or require that someone “acts” obedience, because obedience is an action.

You can also teach someone how to model emotional submission with body language indicators such as keeping their eyes to the ground or crawling or always walking two steps behind.

Those are indicators of submission, but they don’t in any way guarantee the emotional state of submission.

Forcing someone to crawl might put them into the emotional state of submissiveness, but when you force someone else to do the same thing, they’re just crawling. It may not have any have any connection to the way that they are feeling inside.

The action and the activity is not where the energy lies. It is inside of the individual themselves.

Yes, you can teach someone to model submissiveness. You can teach them obedience. You can teach them to express emotional submissive indicators, but there is no (healthy*) way (that I know of) to externally teach someone to be submissive internally unless they want to achieve that headspace. They are the ones that have to put in the internal work no matter how much time or energy the dominant spends on the training.

So the person has to have at least a kernel of submissive desire even if they find it difficult to express that submissiveness. It’s not always easy behave submissively, even when it is desired.

But if they are motivated then there are definitely ways to develop submissiveness. There are ways to cultivate the mindset of submission and to use external actions to create internal headspace.

With the combination of consistent training from the dominant and sincere effort on the submissive it’s possible to grow a desire to be submissive into actual submission.

 

What do you think? Are you a dominant that has trained someone to BE and FEEL submissive, not just ACT submissive? How do you know? Are you a submissive that has been trained to deepen your internal experience? Tell me about it in the comments below!

 

 

* I’m sure that there are ways to teach someone to be genuinely emotionally submissive, but I am unsure of the healthiness of those methods. What I’m talking about right now is consensual and either relationship/emotional submission or sexual submission.

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Dec 252016
 

“But I raised you to be a nice girl…”

My mother has said this a few times during conversations about the last 16 years of a career in kink. I’ve been lucky to be able to be open with her and while I definitely don’t go into specifics, she knows that humiliation play has been a big part of my kink experience and that I’ve written a book about it.

So my usual response is something along the lines of;

“And no one can say ‘Lick this floor!”‘ as nicely as I can!”

The assumption that someone has to be cruel or mean or insecure to enjoy humiliation play is probably the most common stereotype associated with “enjoying” feelings that most people spend their lives trying to avoid. But the interest in adventuring in the darker side of life doesn’t make you a bad or broken person. Instead, you’re likely to be confident, creative and probably at least a little confused about the meaning of your own desires.

Let’s break it down.

You’re probably pretty confident.

This is one that goes against the stereotype in a major way. One of the most frequent concerns/questions I hear is whether those who enjoy sexual-psychological torment (on both sides of the play) have issues with confidence, including low self-esteem or the need to “bully” others. But in reality, those that want this kind of play tend to be plenty confident, if not more so than others. And that’s true for BOTH sides of the humiliation dynamic.

“The humiliation for me does not come from a lack of confidence or self esteem, but from the interplay between knowing I am strong, smart, capable, and knowing I get turned on from being told I am none of those things and less.” – Em the Sissy

You’re probably pretty creative.

Even if you struggle to come up with specific ideas for humiliation play, you probably have a tendency towards creative fantasy. You’re also probably pretty smart. One common thread I’ve noticed between kinksters is that they’re thinkers, you have to be willing to dream outside of the box to come up with an unorthodox desire like this!

“I like the psychological reading of people. Finding those mental please-pain buttons and trying to find the perfect time to press them.” – EQ

Not all types of erotic humiliation will “work” for you.

Your kink is super personal! You can’t expect to just throw experiences at the wall and hope they stick. Just because you’re turned on by one type of erotic humiliation play (for example being turned into furniture) doesn’t mean you’ll like other types (such as chastity or orgasm control.) I talk all the time about how ‘erotic humiliation’ is a state of mind, not a specific activity. For some, spanking is liberating and for others it inspires (sexually arousing) embarrassment.

“Here is the thing, anything can be humiliation with the right people and the right context. What may be innocent and sweet to me may be devastatingly humiliating to you.” – Kk

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You might find your own desires confusing and/or frustrating.

For any number of reasons, you might wish you didn’t have this sexual desire which can be frustrating to fulfill. It can be tough to find partners that are into it, and the lack of educational resources can make it hard to understand desires that are deeply taboo. Even if you find your desires perfectly acceptable, they may not always make sense to you or your partners.  And even if you don’t struggle with your desire for humiliation play, that doesn’t mean you don’t sometimes need affirmation. This is especially true the more social taboo your desires are. So I’ll say it again…you’re not weird, bad, broken or gross for wanting to explore things you’re “not supposed to do” as long as you explore consensually.

“I find it somewhat problematic that a large part of my sexuality is associated with shame and humiliation since I don’t actually think there’s anything shameful or wrong about what I’m doing. On the other hand, I’m happy that I do have the fetish to play with, and I find it extremely fulfilling to.” – Ella Notte

There are some tough conversations ahead of you.

As I’ve mentioned, even among kinksters a desire for humiliation can be tough to talk about, and even tougher to implement. There’s plenty of myths to battle and a lack of language to contend with. It can be tough to articulate your desires, limits and fears. Even with someone who’s totally on-board, the execution of psychologically kinky play is much harder to orchestrate than a simple spanking or light bondage. You and your partners will have to be willing to use your words and to bring compassion for each other into your play in order to dance on the edge together safely.

“I sometimes balk at sharing my fantasies of erotic humiliation with my Master for fear that He will judge me (even though this has never happened and He eagerly embraced and allowed me to explore other erotic humiliation fantasies).” – Ashley Rose

 

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