Jan 312018

I recently received this email and thought it would make a great blog post to share my thoughts with everyone!

Dear Princess Kali,

I have read a lot about you and have seen many of your videos and I really appreciate what you bring to the kink community. Even though I have never heard you discuss cuckolding or polyamory, I thought you would be the best person to bring this dilemma to.

Over the past few years I have successfully trained my husband to be my service submissive. We have incorporated Domination/submission into almost all aspects of our lives. Over the past 3 months or so, [my husband] and I have been exploring cuckolding (I assume you know what that is), which has brought more long term chastity for [my husband] and more men for me.

After dating and exploring what is out there, I have found one lover who I would like to stick with. [My lover] like me, is very Dominant. I think it would fun (and hot!) to encourage him to establish his Dominance over [my husband]. I think it would bring about a new level of humiliation. I always like to find new ways to push [my husbands] boundaries. I realize that this will probably require allowing [my lover] to disciple [my husband]. What I want to ask is, how do you recommend I start? I realize it might be a bit difficult to bring in a second Dominant.

Thanks in advance!


My response….

Bringing a third partner into any established relationship is bound to have some bumps in the path. As long as both partners are genuinely interested then it can add whole new experiences to your sex life. Cuckolding is pretty popular, although it’s not always talked about. I don’t do cuckolding play personally, but have helped couples enjoy it in their relationship.

First even though there is an obvious power exchange in your committed relationship, I believe that a non-power based conversation needs to take place before moving forward. The biggest fun-stopper in a cuckolding dynamic is for the cuckold to feel genuinely anxious or afraid of losing their cuckoldress (aka their female partner).

Insecurity does NOT support a healthy sex life, no matter how many people are involved.

So taking the power structure out of play for at least a single conversation allows for you both to express your desires & fears in a non-sex focused way. It’s also REALLY helpful to have at least a couple more of those conversations after the new experiences have started. You can keep the power dynamic with the conversation if you’re more comfortable doing so, but there needs to be space for your husband to openly express any fears or concerns, and then you can figure out what to do about it.

Once that’s done and everyone is officially on board, it’s time to get to the sexy stuff! I don’t know how involved your husband is with your lover in terms of face to face time, but if that hasn’t happened yet start with verbal descriptions and dirty talk. Tell your husband every sexy thing you plan on doing to him and all the sexy (and humiliating) things your lover is going to do to him. Sharing fantasies is a way many couples introduce even the idea of cuckolding into their relationship, even if they don’t use that particular word. Remember that what is an incredible turn on in fantasy can be problematic when brought to life, sometimes surprisingly so.

Since you’ve already been exploring cuckolding and chastity in the last few months, I’ll guess that you’ve done a lot of the dirty talk and fantasy exploration already. So now it’s about introducing your husband to submitting to your lover.

I’m a big believer in starting slow, it’s easy to build up the intensity but it’s hard to come back from a boundary that wasn’t really ready to be pushed.

You can start by having your husband kiss your lovers shoes when your lover comes to pick you up for a date. It’s also fun to give your lover a more dominant title that your husband must use to address him. Something as simple as “Sir” is always nice, or you can get creative with something along the lines of “Mr. Well-Endowed” or “Real Man” or a title that’s relevant and specific to your own relationship and fantasies. A bit of groveling & respectful appreciation that your lover is satisfying you when your husband can’t is also a soft intro to a D/s dynamic for them.

Physical touch is something that should also be introduced once the small acts of submission have become more comfortable. Perhaps when your husband is kissing your lovers shoes/feet, after he’s done your lover can rest his foot on the back of your husbands head. Not to crush it down, but so your husband can feel its weight and start to feel the excitement of being “under” your lover.

Adding the humiliation bit can take a variety of forms. You can have your husband get locked in his chastity cage in front of your lover, sort of like a ritual that constantly re-establishes his submission to your pleasure and as an extension of your pleasure, your lover. Your lover can call your husband while you’re out on a date or enjoying some hot sex and give your husband instructions about what to do for you once you get home.

Having your husband help you prepare for you date is of course a classic, and you might already be doing that. If you aren’t, start!

Get your husband into that chastity cage and then have him watch you try on sexy lingerie and outfits that you’ll be wearing for your lover, or your husband can be the ‘fluffer’ and give you a couple of orgasms orally before you head out, all the while with you telling him how your “stud” is going to really satisfy you. It can also be fun to call your husband while you’re having sex with your lover and just leave the phone on next to wherever you’re fucking, so your husband can hear all the sounds. This can also be a good time to do verbal with all three of you, having your lover, while fucking you, dirty talk (so your husband can hear it over the phone) about what a ‘pansy’ or ‘loser’ (or whatever words you use in your cuckolding experience) your husband is and how he’s fucking you like you deserve to get fucked.

I don’t recommend allowing your lover to just jump into doing whatever he wants to your husband.

You are the dominant in your relationship with your husband and you do have a responsibility to keep him ultimately safe. Make sure your lover knows any hard boundaries both with physical actions and verbal play.

Take it in steps, depending on what your ultimate goals are. Fantasy & verbal exploration. ‘Small’ acts of submission by your husband to your lover. Introducing dominant touch by your lover to your husband. Letting your husbands submission to your lover grow authentically, like I’m sure it did with you, sets you all up for a more positive experience.

This article was originally posted on CoachingByKali.com

Jan 302018

As a follow up to the original Humiliation Truth or Dare game, I’m delighted to announce the very first ‘expansion deck’ – the Sissy Edition!

This frilly, flouncy game will bring spontaneous fun to your sissy play. You can use it in a private one-on-one session or with a group at a sissy party!

The deck will include:

    • 13 Dominant Truths
    • 13 Dominant Dares
    • 13 Sissy Truths
    • 13 Sissy Dares
    • 2 Instruction Cards

The cards are printed on durable white card stock and are the size of an average poker card deck.

The game can be played with 2 to 40 people & can make a fun party game, or as playful inspiration for a private session.

$19.95 + shipping


*NO International Shipping, only in Continental US

*Shipping takes 5-12 days

Jan 252018

Have you attended one of my in-person or online classes? I’d love to hear your feedback! I’m always working to improve my content and delivery and appreciate you taking a few moments out of your day to help me do that.

Create your own user feedback survey

Oct 152017

The Full Enough To Make You Blush Package includes:

  • Autographed Paperback book
  • Verbal Humiliation deck
  • Truth/Dare deck
  • Workbook
  • 1 month membership to KinkAcademy.com
  • Bonus! Service Bell (while supplies last!)

Enough To Make You Blush: Exploring Erotic Humiliation

Erotic humiliation goes far beyond the “Lick my boots!” stereotype. Princess Kali, a famous former Dominatrix and world-renowned Humiliatrix, throws open the dungeon doors to explore the complex desires that fuel this kind of psychological play for both dominants and submissives. Using both personal experience and extensive interviews she shares advice and detailed ideas for a broad range of embarrassing, humiliating, and degrading ways to enjoy consensual kinky fun. Also covered are important concepts such as communication, negotiation, consent, triggers, aftercare, and so much

Enough to Make You Blush: Workbook

Spiral bound and printed on thick, silky paper with a full color cover this workbook includes…

  • More than 100 Stimulating Questions
  • Erotic Humiliation Activity List – 5 pages
  • Negotiation Worksheet
  • Titles & Names Suggestions
  • Verbal Humiliation Vocabulary Suggestions
  • Space to write out fantasies, erotica & plans for future scenes
  • plus more!

Order the full package & receive both decks in a plastic double box!

Verbal Humiliation Scene Starters Deck

Over 200 phrases in more than 20 categories, giving you a huge (and fun) resource to inspire your verbal humiliation play. It’s a Pocket Pervert Thesaurus!

The poker-deck sized cards are bright, white, and glossy.

Humiliation Truth or Dare Game

  • 13 Dominant Truths
  • 13 Dominant Dares
  • 13 Submissive Truths
  • 13 Submissive Dares
  • 1 Wordbank Card
  • 3 Instruction Card

The cards are printed on durable white card stock the size of a standard deck of poker cards.

The game can be played with 2 to 40 people & can make a fun party game, or as playful inspiration for a private scene.

1-Month Membership to KinkAcademy.com

Kink Academy is a comprehensive library of sex-ed videos for adventurous, consenting adults. Whether you’re new to kink or an experienced player, there’s something for everyone to learn on Kink Academy. With over 2,000 sex-ed videos and over 160 sexuality educators, the Kink Academy Team works with sex educators from around the world to present the most diverse and experienced voices possible for your ongoing sexual education. The Web’s leading resource for adult sexuality education in BDSM, polyamory, fetish, kink, swinging, and other sexual expressions that are commonly overlooked even in sex-positive educational materials.

Order it today for only $80 + shipping!


*shipping takes 5-12 business days
*NO International Shipping, only in Continental US

Oct 122017

In just a few weeks it will be time to celebrate the 2nd annual National Erotic Humiliation Day, and I hope you’ll join me in all the kinky fun!

It’s time to get ready to celebrate your favorite pervy holiday of the year, a time when we can let all of the deliciously dirty desires out in full form, and share them with the world to honor a deeply mis-understood fetish, for psychological torment and teasing.

The term “erotic humiliation” covers a really broad spectrum of interests of levels of play (you can learn more about it in my book, Enough to Make You Blush: Exploring Erotic Humiliation) and even in the kinky world, people often mistake it for “being mean” which isn’t the case at all. Consensual humiliation play can take many forms and doesn’t always have to be of the hardcore degradation variety (though that’s fun for those who enjoy it!) and this holiday is meant to inspire and connect those who want to explore this type of kink adventure.

Make sure you use the hashtag #HumiliationDay on Twitter & Instagram – where I’ll be sharing tips & photos all day plus signal boosting your posts – follow me @Princess_Kali(on twitter) and EnoughToMakeYouBlush (on instagram) to see all the kinky, humiliating goodness! If you post on Fetlife, friend me here and send me a link (or post it in the comment section below!)

Ways YOU can celebrate:

  • Post your own photos on twitter, Fetlife and tumbler (see below for suggestions)
  • Confess your humiliation themed fantasies & share your experiences – dominants AND submissives, I’m looking at you!
  • Do you have a blog? Write a post about a humiliation themed topic (see below for suggestions!) and let me know so I can share in a blog round-up post here on my site (post in the comments too).
  • Buy my book this week to read & get ideas (yes, this is a shameless plug!) You can get it on Kindle for immediate download, or order it from me for an autographed copy (I’m shipping out next-day all this week!)

Humiliation Themes for photos, confessions and blog posts:

  •      Verbal Humiliation and Degradation
  •      Foot Fetish
  •      Objectification
  •      Being Turned into Furniture
  •      Dehumanization
  •      Sex & Masturbation
  •      Chastity & Orgasm Control
  •      Messy Food Play
  •      Sissification
  •      Nudity
  •      Bodily Functions
  •      Domestic Service & Cleaning
  •      Punishment & Protocol
  •      Playing in Public
  •      Financial Domination

Join me for my online class “Exploring Erotic Humiliation” – learn from anywhere in the world with an internet connect & receive a video download of the class & digital workbook.


I’m so looking forward to seeing your kinky creativity and I’m certain you dirty pervs can come up with even more ideas too! You can also post stuff here, please comment with what YOU’RE doing to celebrate Humiliation Day!

Check out some of my favorite posts from last year.



Sep 252017

This page will be edited as I add new appearances, each link will take you to a registration page or somewhere with more information about the event. If you’d like me to teach for your organization or event please email me directly kali @ enoughtomakeyoublush.com


January 19-21, 2018  – WestCoast Bound – Vancouver BC


Dark Odyssey Winter Fire – Washington D.C.

Feb 142017

Oh yes, I so LOVE talking about psychological torment so podcasts are one of my favorite things! I’ve been talking to some more super smart sex geeks and here are the results – 3 brand new podcast interviews talking about all my favorite kinky topics.

Take a listen!


Off the Cuff




 Bex and Kate are

We talk about humiliation (of course) and specifically small penis humiliation


Click here to listen in






Feb 112017

One of the reasons I love twitter is the ability to have conversation with people around the world and get inspired by what others are experiencing and talking about.

So when Domina Dynasty posed this question on twitter, I was intrigued…

Can you teach someone to be submissive?

It’s a really interesting question and like so many aspects of kink, prompts more questions before an answer can be found.

First it got me thinking about the huge variety in submissives who have served me over the years. This is yet another example when language matters and individual definitions matter the most. The way that I define submission very likely could be different than the way that you define submission.

Yes, I know that I talk about this all the time but it’s that important.

This all boils down to one of my core concepts and it’s this –

Focus on intention, not activity.

Submission is an emotional state. Submission can look very different from person to person.

  • Crawling & groveling
  • Quietly respectful
  • Bratty & defiant
  • Obedient & obsequious

And to really blow your mind, sometimes submission looks like dominance but I’ll get to that more thoroughly in a future post.

However obedience is one of the most obvious expressions of submission, so we’ll start with that.

As a dominant, you can teach obedience. You can teach someone to submit to your commands, and you can teach someone how to do different tasks and actions. You can use punishments, rewards and bribes to encourage or require that someone “acts” obedience, because obedience is an action.

You can also teach someone how to model emotional submission with body language indicators such as keeping their eyes to the ground or crawling or always walking two steps behind.

Those are indicators of submission, but they don’t in any way guarantee the emotional state of submission.

Forcing someone to crawl might put them into the emotional state of submissiveness, but when you force someone else to do the same thing, they’re just crawling. It may not have any have any connection to the way that they are feeling inside.

The action and the activity is not where the energy lies. It is inside of the individual themselves.

Yes, you can teach someone to model submissiveness. You can teach them obedience. You can teach them to express emotional submissive indicators, but there is no (healthy*) way (that I know of) to externally teach someone to be submissive internally unless they want to achieve that headspace. They are the ones that have to put in the internal work no matter how much time or energy the dominant spends on the training.

So the person has to have at least a kernel of submissive desire even if they find it difficult to express that submissiveness. It’s not always easy behave submissively, even when it is desired.

But if they are motivated then there are definitely ways to develop submissiveness. There are ways to cultivate the mindset of submission and to use external actions to create internal headspace.

With the combination of consistent training from the dominant and sincere effort on the submissive it’s possible to grow a desire to be submissive into actual submission.


What do you think? Are you a dominant that has trained someone to BE and FEEL submissive, not just ACT submissive? How do you know? Are you a submissive that has been trained to deepen your internal experience? Tell me about it in the comments below!



* I’m sure that there are ways to teach someone to be genuinely emotionally submissive, but I am unsure of the healthiness of those methods. What I’m talking about right now is consensual and either relationship/emotional submission or sexual submission.





Dec 252016

“But I raised you to be a nice girl…”

My mother has said this a few times during conversations about the last 16 years of a career in kink. I’ve been lucky to be able to be open with her and while I definitely don’t go into specifics, she knows that humiliation play has been a big part of my kink experience and that I’ve written a book about it.

So my usual response is something along the lines of;

“And no one can say ‘Lick this floor!”‘ as nicely as I can!”

The assumption that someone has to be cruel or mean or insecure to enjoy humiliation play is probably the most common stereotype associated with “enjoying” feelings that most people spend their lives trying to avoid. But the interest in adventuring in the darker side of life doesn’t make you a bad or broken person. Instead, you’re likely to be confident, creative and probably at least a little confused about the meaning of your own desires.

Let’s break it down.

You’re probably pretty confident.

This is one that goes against the stereotype in a major way. One of the most frequent concerns/questions I hear is whether those who enjoy sexual-psychological torment (on both sides of the play) have issues with confidence, including low self-esteem or the need to “bully” others. But in reality, those that want this kind of play tend to be plenty confident, if not more so than others. And that’s true for BOTH sides of the humiliation dynamic.

“The humiliation for me does not come from a lack of confidence or self esteem, but from the interplay between knowing I am strong, smart, capable, and knowing I get turned on from being told I am none of those things and less.” – Em the Sissy

You’re probably pretty creative.

Even if you struggle to come up with specific ideas for humiliation play, you probably have a tendency towards creative fantasy. You’re also probably pretty smart. One common thread I’ve noticed between kinksters is that they’re thinkers, you have to be willing to dream outside of the box to come up with an unorthodox desire like this!

“I like the psychological reading of people. Finding those mental please-pain buttons and trying to find the perfect time to press them.” – EQ

Not all types of erotic humiliation will “work” for you.

Your kink is super personal! You can’t expect to just throw experiences at the wall and hope they stick. Just because you’re turned on by one type of erotic humiliation play (for example being turned into furniture) doesn’t mean you’ll like other types (such as chastity or orgasm control.) I talk all the time about how ‘erotic humiliation’ is a state of mind, not a specific activity. For some, spanking is liberating and for others it inspires (sexually arousing) embarrassment.

“Here is the thing, anything can be humiliation with the right people and the right context. What may be innocent and sweet to me may be devastatingly humiliating to you.” – Kk


You might find your own desires confusing and/or frustrating.

For any number of reasons, you might wish you didn’t have this sexual desire which can be frustrating to fulfill. It can be tough to find partners that are into it, and the lack of educational resources can make it hard to understand desires that are deeply taboo. Even if you find your desires perfectly acceptable, they may not always make sense to you or your partners.  And even if you don’t struggle with your desire for humiliation play, that doesn’t mean you don’t sometimes need affirmation. This is especially true the more social taboo your desires are. So I’ll say it again…you’re not weird, bad, broken or gross for wanting to explore things you’re “not supposed to do” as long as you explore consensually.

“I find it somewhat problematic that a large part of my sexuality is associated with shame and humiliation since I don’t actually think there’s anything shameful or wrong about what I’m doing. On the other hand, I’m happy that I do have the fetish to play with, and I find it extremely fulfilling to.” – Ella Notte

There are some tough conversations ahead of you.

As I’ve mentioned, even among kinksters a desire for humiliation can be tough to talk about, and even tougher to implement. There’s plenty of myths to battle and a lack of language to contend with. It can be tough to articulate your desires, limits and fears. Even with someone who’s totally on-board, the execution of psychologically kinky play is much harder to orchestrate than a simple spanking or light bondage. You and your partners will have to be willing to use your words and to bring compassion for each other into your play in order to dance on the edge together safely.

“I sometimes balk at sharing my fantasies of erotic humiliation with my Master for fear that He will judge me (even though this has never happened and He eagerly embraced and allowed me to explore other erotic humiliation fantasies).” – Ashley Rose





Nov 302016

I’ve been teaching classes about erotic humiliation play since 2004 and have spoken with thousands of kinksters and lovers of psychological torment. Throughout that time, even with the mainstreaming of other BDSM activities, I’ve seen that humiliation play continues to be misunderstood even by those who desire it.

So from my abundant experience, here are the Top 3 Things You Need to Know About Healthy Humiliation Play.


1.) There are a lot of stereotypes and myths about humiliation play…and almost all of them are false.

The “kink community” is broadly diverse in so many ways: we all have different backgrounds, motivations, philosophies, skill levels, interests and – yes – prejudices.  In BDSM culture there’s a lot of talk about how open minded we all are, but that’s not always true in practice. We, too, are susceptible of falling into the trap of placing others beneath us to feel better about our own taboo interests.  We’re judgemental; it’s human nature.  Someone who’s into sissification thinks it’s perfectly acceptable to slip on a pink tutu, squeeze their broad hairy chest into a chiffon undershirt and cover encroaching male pattern baldness with a tiara – but think that those guys who smell feet are weird.  A kinkster who likes getting tied in intricate bondage watches someone getting whipped and is horrified, but the kinkster getting filleted with a single-tail doesn’t understand why anyone would waste their time with rope.

Of course this isn’t always the case (please don’t #NotAllKinksters me) but it can be a problem. On that kinky hierarchy, humiliation play is rarely very far up the ladder. There’s so many misunderstandings about the “type of person” who enjoys this kind of play and why. People make assumptions about everything from confidence level (“people who do thise have low self-esteem”) to psychological damage (“people who do that kind of thing are just damaged goods”).  But these assumptions don’t hold up under the light of my experience, the many conversations I’ve had, and the surveys I’ve done.  Until recently (ta-daa) there hasn’t been a lot of information out there, and so there was very little to fill those knowledge gaps.  People who enjoy their intense psychological drama with an edge of degradation have been left to their own devices – to deal with being stereotyped as a particular kind of person, and to try and create a language to express these desires.

I spend a good deal of time talking about these stereotypes in my book, as a way of clearing them out of the way and making room to enjoy erotic humiliation.

2.) It’s not one-size-fits-all kind of play

When you learn to spank or flog, it’s easy to learn the motion and then make small adjustments to those standard actions for each individual scene. This goes for bondage as well: learn the knots then apply them in different combinations. But humiliation play is different; because it’s focused on achieving a specific emotional experience, it has to be completely personalized into order to work on someone. I talk about this a lot as  “kernel kink” : if each partner doesn’t understand the emotional goals/drives of the other, you’re likely to struggle through misunderstanding and end in frustration.

For example, if you try to humiliate someone by calling them worthless after they’ve just given you a half a dozen orgasms, that’s probably not going to ring true. And if you try to emasculate a man by dressing him in panties, and instead he feels liberated, neither of you is going to achieve the target emotional response.

Erotic humiliation is based in cultural context and personal experience, so you need to have  awareness of both if you want successful play.

3.) It can go really wrong, really quickly.

With more physically focused play there are simple signs to look for to see if there’s anything is going wrong. And while there’s of course great variation between bodies, things are generally found in the same place on everyone. But with psychological play, where there may be NO external sign of distress, and the negative triggers are completely different for each partner, “checking in” becomes much more difficult, and all the more important.   It can also be hard to recover emotionally from a scene gone horribly wrong, even if there was no physical contact whatsoever.

Often part of the attraction is the vulnerability and exposure, but those very things are what can turn the play from really fun to deeply unfun fast enough to give you both psychological whiplash. By ‘messing around’ with those tender emotional spots there’s potential for lasting harm to another person – or even just to a relationship –  which can scare off kinksters from actually giving this play a try. Without a nuanced understanding of this kind of play it’s too easy to dive in the deep end too quickly or go rolling off an emotional cliff. Being armed with that understanding is critical to healthy play.

Do you want to learn more about incorporating erotic humiliation into your play? Soon I’ll be hosting my first online course – click here to receive more information!